pasturbation

My life is organized into time slots that are catorized with the people i spend most of my time with. Most of them have ended well, or at least the way i wanted them to. The others haunt me constantly. Even though i accept the mistakes i made, im still confused as to how things really could have ended up the way they did. It is this uncertanity that keeps me searching for new relationships that way i can blame my past loses on the person who left. (like if i have a new girlfriend i can say people like me, those other girls were just crazy) i feel like a kid who pet the bird so long its head fell off. Ive loved these people in my life, but ive had no idea how to treat them right. But now i know that they left me because i didnt treat them right, but also because of who they are or what they wanted. Either way, i dont have to understand anymore. I just miss them. Bridget, Anna, Andrew, Nina, Thilde, Erik, Sable